Confessions of a Shiftless Mind

This is part 3 of a 3 part series on Birth Control. The first two parts here (Part 1) and here (Part 2). All comments are appreciated - I don’t pretend I have it all figured out, these are only my thoughts as of August 2006 and may be changed by this time next year, if I have misunderstood the Bible on this score.

The Stewardship Objection

The first thing I hear in response to this line of thinking is usually, “but God calls us to stewardship. We are told to be good stewards of our time, our resources, and our families.” This is all true. The logical leap meant from this is that kids cost money and kids cost time, and our time is better spent elsewhere. I find it interesting to compare this idea to tithing. Many people feel very strongly about tithing, and its priority. I agree with them when they talk about giving the first 10th of everything to God, not the last 10th. I say, “Amen” every time I hear about a person or a couple who are strapped for cash or lose a job but keep on tithing, and experience blessing as a result. So many people I have heard from have told me about how when they have kept 100% of their money, it seems to get used up and they are short, but when they only keep 90%, God seems to bless that and they always have enough. I don’t know if it is the mindset of the individual, getting away from the desire for more money by dedicating it to the Lord, or what, but money just seems to go farther.

I believe so too with kids. I mean, today we have the highest standard of living ever in the history of the planet. Yet, we are having the smallest families in the history of the planet. Most families have 2 or more cars, while even 20 years ago the average was 1. People eat processed everything, and all that processing you can be sure costs money. The fact is, money is no object to most people. Even those who are “just squeaking by” seem to have so much that nobody had a generation ago. I know families on welfare with XBoxes, eating take-out pizza every couple nights. Sometimes this issue is brought up in relation to going to school, and being able to focus on studies. Again I ask, what did they do before? Colleges had married dorms. Or you simply didn’t get married until you were done your schooling.

But let’s look past that for a minute. Say you are a couple on birth control. Say it fails. You are now pregnant. What are you going to do? Ruling out abortion, you will modify your life to accommodate the new addition. What’s the deal? You could have done that without trying to mess with God’s timing. Say you are a family with 2 kids already. Why not be open to having another? Usually when you get over 2 kids the doubts start coming out - “can we handle more than 2?” “Won’t some of them feel ignored?” “Won’t some be neglected?” I have yet to see any statistical evidence that large families produce ignored, neglected kids. Anecdotally speaking, I hear of just as many people who grumble at their families when they come from small ones as from large ones. I have also seen many large families give things to their kids that small families could never do - a huge network of sibling-friends (something that is almost unheard of - siblings that are FRIENDS?), built-in unpaid babysitters, child minders, diaper changers, dishwashers and housecleaners. Yeah, some will cry “slave labour” but frankly I prefer the term “learn-to-work” - how many people do YOU know who are short on work-ethic? I’ll lay money they are from a small family!

The “I’m Not Ready” Objection

God designed us. God made every fibre of our being. God designed the basic model, male and female. He made women to be fertile every month of their lives from puberty to menopause. He made men to be fertile all the time. If we are not fertile, it is because He in His sovereign will decided that He would use us in other ways beside reproduction to further His kingdom. As reproductive sciences will tell you, despite the simplicity of sperm meets egg, there actually are a great number of factors that can contribute to allowing that to happen. Some people struggle to become pregnant. Some people find it very easy. Scriptures clearly say God opens and closes the womb - that tells me that God manipulates the circumstances to create life - if God is in charge of those circumstances then you have nothing to fear from a pregnancy - God wanted you to be pregnant! If God does not want a person to become pregnant, then He should be the one to open or close the womb, not some artificial man-made treatment.

I think it is a problem that we do not educate children properly in understanding and taking responsibility for themselves as reproductive human beings. I think we would have a lot less problem with teenage sex, premarital sex, STDs and so on if we simply taught children that they were made with the equipment to create new life, and that they are responsible for any life that comes of it. They need to understand that having babies is a part of life, and that it is wrong to fail to take responsibility for the life that comes from yourself. You are not an adult until you can take that responsibility up. The pleasure that comes from attempting to create life is a reward for taking up that responsibility. It is not a hobby, it is not a pastime. Every sexual encounter should be considered an attempt to create new life. If it does not, that is the Creator’s choice, not yours. With this kind of understanding, I think it would be a lot easier for kids to make the right choice.

The “God Will Override the Protection if He Wants To” Objection

The point isn’t how God can do anything He wants to so we can do what we want, knowing that God will bring about His desires despite us. Our goal as Christians is to bring our will into alignment with His. If we are striving to do that then we will, as we are sanctified, strive to leave behind any areas of our life not working in alignment with His will. It is like, say I like building model trains. As an immature Christian I will say to myself, “God will use my train hobby to give me common ground with people and give me an opportunity to share the gospel”, so I go on building trains and ignore my church’s call for missionaries, or for street evangelism, or for other forms of intentional outreach. As a mature Christian I will begin to realize that while God can bring people to Himself through my hobbies, God wants me to “Go and make disciples”, in other words, leave behind my hobbies to do His will directly. (Come to think of it, having babies is about as direct a way of “making disciples” as I can think of!;))

Think about it this way - we are asked to love one another. If we act unloving, but we know in our hearts that we are loving, is that not wrong? If nobody knows you love because you never act that way, it doesn’t really matter what is in your heart. James talks about this extensively in his epistle. We must act as Christians or our faith means nothing. Likewise, with our reproductive selves. If we really do love children and have no problems with having them, but we deliberately act to avoid having children, I think that belies our true feelings. Our mouth may say one thing but our actions prove what is in our heart. You can’t claim you want to share your faith then deliberately avoid talking to unbelievers. Your faith is worthless if you do. It is about being a consistent witness, and making sure your actions align with what is in your heart.

I don’t believe this is a salvation issue. I don’t believe anyone is going to hell for using birth control. However, I believe it is a stronghold of the self that most of us do not want to let go of. It means losing our chance to “do cool stuff”. It means changing more diapers. It means teaching more, having more patience, it means limiting our life by our children. It means dealing with ourselves when we look at friends with fewer kids or no kids with jealousy. It means living in a way that is visibly countercultural - the fact is, and I know this is true because of people I know with lots of kids - the culture of death is so strong in North America that if you have more than 3 kids, you get comments, looks, glares, and short shrift from businesses. When we had our 3rd child, I had a married Christian friend of mine with 2 kids of his own say to me, seriously, “Ever heard of Birth Control?” Big families I know of get looks all the time when they take their kids out in public to malls and such. Patience falls by the wayside. The only places they are welcomed are kids play facilities that charge admission per person.

There is so much more to say about this - about the lies of Margaret Sanger, about the 100 year population bomb myth, about the lie that you can’t love your kids as much if you have many of them. For more check out this piece. Also Quiverfull.org.